Hello, everybody Kate here.

Yeah... I know what you are thinking...

I just came to talk about how obnoxious Kim and Kanye West are. I mean, seriously, just show the world your baby. I mean, if you haven't noticed you haven't been on the cover of a magazine lately, and Kim, you brought this upon yourselves. I mean, I showed my baby, and I'm on the cover of a thousand magazines. But you are not. Plus, everybody just thinks you are afraid to show your grotesque baby. I mean, North probably has horns, and red dry skin. She probably takes after Kim. :) Jk, my princess lips (very full) will not give such an insult to a little baby who did nothing.
But actually, I have pity for her. She should be embarrassed by her mom, I mean, look what she wore when she was pregnant.
 I mean, seriously? You'd think you'd want to be more dressed up when you were pregnant. (Well, if you were Kim...)
You see, I was sneaky when I was pregnant. I enunciated my baby bump because it was adorable that I was pregnant.
But Kim did that to, but she looked HIDEOUS!!! I mean, when they saw her they didn't say, "Awe! She's the first royal in a long time to be pregnant!" But they said. "Ugh, another pregnant celebrity? That's the fifth one this week!!!"
But yes, I'm sure (since I am his mother) my baby is like 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times cuter than North West. I don't even know what that number says... oh well, it's true.
But yes, I honestly think that Kim made a mistake. She never should've had a baby. And she should shut that ugly mouth and show everyone her hideous baby.
No one will judge her. Well, except for me.

Okay, I came on today to ask a simple question.
Who should be George's godparents?
Everybody is thinking it's going to be Harry and Pippa, but actually, I'm not so sure.... because when I was a teenager (best years of my life, btdubs) but yeah, we got in a fight about how we were prettier than one another. (mom thought I was prettier) and she was mad so she said that when I had a baby she was going to murder it.
Well, obviously I was mad. So I said;
"Well, you'll never get my hands on my baby, because it's going to be royal, and your hands aren't worthy of a royal baby," I told her.
She scoffed. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. I mean, what. Do you think that Prince William will marry you? Please, you aren't worthy of such a man. He deserves gorgeousness. He deserves me."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh you just wait and see..."
I always knew I was worthy enough to be a royal. Go me!!!
But I still have a grudge against her. I can't let her win. I don't know what will happen. But honestly. My gorgeous baby is too gorgeous for her. I mean, he looks just like me. She can't take care of a second me if I die.
But, this basically isn't an issue. Everybody is obsessed with me, and they will NOT let me die. I already have like thousands of body guards. So why not hire nobody? There's an idea.
But what stinks is that it is "traditional" to have godparents. I mean, of all the people on the earth, Will and I are the least likely to die, right? I mean, Obama might die. (Assassination) and he also might die because he got in an accident or something. I don't know.
But yeah. Pippa is such a jerk. She's visiting today, because she is totally trying to ride on my fame. She is still mad that Will took me and not her. It think that she's going for Harry...
But they are already related! That little scumbag! She can't marry him. They are basically siblings! But anyways, that lion is determined, and she won't give up. She will become a royal no matter how much it takes, because that's just the kind of person Pippa is, a nasty, retarded idiot.
So maybe the country will pick George's godparents.
I hope not.

My day today

This morning I went shopping. I came home with piles and piles of adorable new clothes to wear to all my child ceremonies, and my father in law said it was "too much" and I couldn't keep it anymore.
I mean, seriously? One, you are made of money, two I just had a baby, I deserve some new clothes, and three, I need to look adorable. Like, ADORABLE!!! But when I told him these reasons, he just said that he didn't need to buy that many outfits because it was unnecessary and that I needed to return ten out of my twenty outfits. Ten outfits! That is not enough, no way.

But get this, I was talking to Will today, and he agreed! My own husband, he agreed with his father over his very own wife.....or ex-wife.
Well, I guess this is the end of our relationship. Oh well, I was actually getting sick of England... hello hollywood!
I began to pack my bags and Will came in. I tried to hide my  large Dora the Explorer suitcase, but boots was too big. Never liked him.
"Kate?" he asked. "Why are you packing up your bags?"
"Because I'm leaving, because you agreed with your dad, and I don't agree with what you two think!" I replied casually. "I leaving you."
He shook his head. "Kate, we've been through this like 50 times before, I really don't need it again, okay?" He walked up to me and whispered in my ear. "Kate, fsdjfkljsdklf."
"Excuse me?" I asked. "That was not courteous of you to-" I began, but he interrupted me.
"All I did was tell you to stay," he asked. "The country needs you, the baby needs you, I need you. Please stay."
I considered his words. "Well, it is true that our country would fall apart without me..."
Will nodded in agreement.
"And the baby wouldn't stand a chance living with you."
He scowled but nodded in agreement.
"And you really need me. You'd die without me," I said, realization hitting me, and I decided that I needed to stay.
"Fine, I'll stay, but not for the countries and your and George's will, it's for the will of the me, because I really do enjoy being a princess."
He nodded. "I'm glad that exact conversation went on again for the fiftieth time."
I nodded. "Me too." I hugged him.
So that was my day, really boring and ubiquitous. It happens often. But oh well, sometimes I still think I should leave, sometimes I wanna stay.
But I'll stay so I can be a princess.

Prince

I'm here to talk about my adorable baby. I forgot his name at the moment, I was too busy buying clothes just a few minutes ago, so I was focused on something else, oh, Will just entered the room..."Will, what's the kids name?"
Oh, he is George, now I remember. But I like to call him the prince of Cambridge, because George is just worthy of being called a prince. I mean, some regular mortals named their kids George, so some people might hear his name, and not think of my gorgeous baby first. So, if we only call him Prince of Cambridge, than they will automatically know who his is, because I will not have him forgotten, that could make ME forgotten, and I won't have that happen. That would be the worlds biggest scandal, I think I'm going to faint thinking about how horrific that situation would be! Okay, I'm really sorry, I've got to change the subject, or else I won't survive, and we can't have that happen either.
But anyways, do you wanna talk about style? Kim? My baby and how adorable he is?
Sure, we can talk about the adorable child that looks just like me, as long as we don't talk about him being forgotten. But yes, he is absolutely the cutest baby you've ever seen. Did you see how big the crowd was to wait for the baby and me? Well, mostly me, but George deserves a little credit.... so I'll give him some. He is super cute, and everybody loves him, I mean, who could resist this?

like honestly? I really have no idea. He's about the cutest thing I've ever seen, even with all the wrinkles, and he looks like he's about to cry. I promise you, I'm a good parent. I PROMISE!!! But yes, he definitely took after my looks, not Will's, or else he wouldn't be near as famous. But he looks like me, so there you go, a star is born. Maybe he'll marry North West!

Jk, I would NEVER approve of that. Kim will NOT be his mother in law, and Kanye will not be his father in law, I won't allow it, that would be outrageous. We'll just have to put a bunch of people next to him to watch him and be his body guards, because we really have to shelter him, or else he might be too adventurous and will leave me, and I will be devastated..

But at least I didn't give him a ridiculous name, like North. Kim Kim, Kim. What was she thinking. That is such a weird name, and I don't see why anyone would name their kid North West, unless Kim hates her because she made F.A. T. That spells fat. But my clean princess tongue shouldn't say that, but I just did, because I still have freedom to say what I want, so I'll say fat, but only about Kate, because she deserves it. She was always so arrogant about her body and how nice it is, and her  face, but honestly, now that's not so true. Maybe her face is okay, but her body is not. Not at all. But I'm still cute, like I always will be. But Kim will not.

Sorry Kim.

Oh, and by the way, my baby is LOTS cuter than yours is, and I was thinner two weeks overdue than you were being pregnant for about two weeks. Sad.

Baby bumps

Hello, I'm Kate Middleton, you know, the most famous person in America and England. Well, who doesn't know me. That was about the silliest question I've heard in my life, I mean, who doesn't know Kate Middleton?
Today was really fun, I went shopping with Kim Kardashian, and we got a ton of new clothes. She was like 20 sizes bigger than me, so much bigger, that we had to go to two different shops. Boy, I'm glad I'm not her.
But I needed to go to a store for adorable skinny girls...
and she needed to go to a store for giant killer whales.
But yeah, she's didn't have a pregnancy as good as mine, nobody has, like EVER!!! So I honestly I can't blame her, I mean, all pregnant girls look like whales, don't they?
Well, except for me, that is.
But anyways, everybody knows that my baby is WAY cuter than everybody elses. Jorge (or whatever his name is) is so cute, and has a way cuter name than North.
I mean, North? It's a cute name alone, but with the last name West? Boy, Kim is going to regret that when she breaks up with Kayne, which probably will happen soon, because celebrity relationships NEVER last long. It's always like what, two days? Maybe a couple weeks, tops, unless you're really, like REALLY lucky. Will and I are perfect, though. We will never part ways, because that would mean I couldn't be a princess, how devastating? Oh well, even if we did split, I'd still be famous because I'm adorable. Prettier than any celebrity. Like seriously. Kim got extra fat, and then I have absolutely no idea why on earth she wore some of those clothes. HIDEOUS!!! Yeah, you saw the the three exclamations. I mean, I still dressed all cute, but I guess she just decided that she couldn't hide it, and didn't bother to try. I mean, hello whale!
But then again, can't blame her, nobody is as cute as me, and maybe her baby is just a fat little girl who constantly eats donuts.
But look how adorable I am! I mean, just plain adorable! Poor, poor, Kim Kardashian. She no longer has a "great figure," maybe she'll get it back.....
maybe not.

I'll show you from three different angles...